Jefferson City family: Bullying ruins lives

Bullying in Jefferson City Schools, private and public, has been a problem ABC 17 has been following for more than a year.

We’ve highlighted problems at the elementary, middle, and high school level.

Most recently we’ve seen the resignations of the superintendent and high school principal.

This raises the question, what’s causing such a hostile environment in the schools? Have school officials turned a blind eye to parents’ concerns for too long?

Several Jefferson City parents said the problems are getting swept under the rug, and appear to be spiraling out of control every day.

ABC 17 News talked to one family who said their son first started getting bullied in 4th grade, and it ultimately ruined their lives.

In the end, it led to him running away two days before his high school graduation, and they haven’t seen him since.

Sally and Nathan Perkins said they’ve had their son Austin in and out of schools in Jefferson City, private and public.

The first problems came up at St. Joseph’s in 4th grade, so they switched schools to Immaculate Conception in the 8th grade and it continued.

Finally in the 9th grade their son went to Helias, and yet again, some of the same kids continued with the same tactics making life nearly unbearable.

“His freshman year he started to withdraw from everybody, then the summer between his freshman and sophomore year, he wouldn’t even leave the house. Sophomore year he started back at Helias again, and by Christmas time he said, ‘Mom, I just can’t keep going anymore,'” said Sally Perkins.

Before things would get better, they would get worse.

As they went to school officials for help, they said they were turned away being told, “Kids will be kids,” and he needed to have thicker skin.

No solution was reached to a problem that was taking an emotional toll on their son, beating him down day by day, and destroying his self confidence and ability to ever bounce back.

“He would just sit by himself at lunch and they would make fun of him. There was no help at all and everybody just…first of all, it was his freshman year and he was adjusting. But we knew these kids were there and we would talk to him and ask if he wanted us to go talk to the kids of their parents. He would say, ‘Oh no mom, don’t do anything like that,'” said Perkins.

Halfway through his sophomore year they were at their wit’s end. Austin was headed down a dangerous path, becoming more and more reclusive. They pulled him out of school at his request and he started visiting doctors.

“It was awful, we had no say in anything and it made us feel like maybe we were that helicopter parent that shouldn’t be involved but we’ve been watching this happen for so many years and when he hit rock bottom it was too late,” said Perkins.

With this textbook case of bullying that had escalated to the worst possible scenario, the Perkins’ were overwhelmed and turned to several local doctors, even the Mayo Clinic.

Dr. Janese Neher lives just outside Jefferson City and sees bullying cases. She said sometimes the most shocking part of these cases can be that the bullies don’t even know they’re bullying.

“Particularly in adolescent girls they get in these squabbles where we’re going to exclude somebody and they aren’t going to let them sit at their table anymore, and they aren’t going to be playing with us, and ‘you aren’t going to be part of my group.’ You know, they might not think that is bullying, they might just think it’s normal behavior,” said Neher.

Dr. Neher said there are warning signs to watch for if you think your child might be a victim of bullying, such as avoiding conversations about school, wanting to stay home from school, and avoiding the bus.

She said there’s one key step once you’ve determined there could be a problem.

“Keep an open line of communication. Don’t put your child down, take it seriously, and do something. Don’t sit with the information but get people involved so that it can be stopped,” said Neher.

One of the biggest problems is bystanders being afraid to talk. She said the bullying will continue to be swept under the rug if kids don’t learn to grow up and stand up to other kids by telling adults.

She said the biggest misconception out there is that there is no help, and those who are bullied can’t recover.

Her best advice to parents and those being bullied is that there is hope, and the key is to keep searching for that individual who can help.

Right now, the Jefferson City School Board is in the process of investigating allegations of out of control bullying and teachers being threatened at Moreau Heights Elementary.