‘Brave Shift’: Author’s 30 rules to help overcome life’s everyday challenges

By Terry Ward, CNN

(CNN) — Feeling deflated because your New Year’s resolution didn’t make it out of January without flopping?

Join the crowd whose 2026 goals have already been taken out with the trash.

The second Friday of January has earned the nickname Quitter’s Day, with many likely abandoned by then — and a majority of resolutions failing by mid-March.

You may need to tweak how you approach those resolutions, according to Dr. Michele Kehrer, a physical therapist and keynote speaker based in Cape Coral, Florida. As she writes in her new book, “Brave Shift: 30 Mindset Changes to Transform Your Life,” bite-size shifts in your thinking can go the distance toward creating the reality you hope to achieve in business and life.

A goal shouldn’t be about changing everything, said Kehrer, a four-time cancer survivor.

“It’s about changing a few things that change everything,” Kehrer said, referring to the 30 “rules” that helped her overcome everyday challenges that many face — including divorce, a business venture and big life moves.

In a conversation with CNN, Kehrer shared how small changes can help you reach your goals.

This conversation has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.

CNN: Is there one reason why setting a goal sometimes sets us up for failure?

Dr. Michele Kehrer: Often, when people make a big goal, they don’t attach a reason to why they want to accomplish it. Having that reason is big because when you don’t want to do something that’s necessary to reach your goal, you can go back to your reason. That’s often enough to propel you forward.

When you have your reason or goal, you want to attach an emotion to it. Saying, “I want to lose weight,” doesn’t really mean anything because it’s not quantifiable. So, you could think more along the lines of something like, “I want to lose five pounds because I want to fit into this dress because I’m going on vacation.” That hits differently. It builds your own accountability — and it also builds pride in yourself and your accomplishments.

It could be something as simple as wanting to be in touch more often with the people you love. You could take a note and stick it on your refrigerator to remind you of the people you want to call every week.

CNN: You talk about using a “magic paintbrush” in your book to help shift your mindset. What do you mean by that?

Kehrer: I know so many people who write out their New Year’s resolutions starting with a laundry list of everything they think is wrong with them — or everything they’re doing wrong. That means you’re starting from a negative headspace and mindset instead of thinking about how you’d like to improve. Instead, think about how you want your life to be different.

One of the shifts in my book is to think of using a “magic paintbrush” to create the life that you want. Imagine painting yourself a picture of what you want your day and week and month to look like in your mind. And then start thinking about what you need to get there. That way, you’re coming at things from a positive mindset and a place of inspired joy instead of the opposite.

We have 365 days in a year. Start by thinking about the one thing you would feel best about if you accomplished it and use your magical paintbrush to go after that one thing.

CNN: You refer to the importance of “cleaning up your own mess.” What do you mean by that as a mindset shift?

Kehrer: I think that right now in our society, the idea of cleaning up your own mess is so relevant, because we’re living in a time where everyone is putting the responsibility onto others. But you have to dig down deep and ask yourself, “Who am I and what do I really want in this world?”

Ask yourself what’s keeping you from your best life. Whether it’s a bad relationship you’ve chosen to stay in or something else, look at the whole situation to figure out, “What is my part in this? What can I actually take responsibility for?” The more you focus on shifting your life now, the better it will become.

CNN: You talk about the importance of not being afraid to ask for help to reach your goals. For some people, that can be really hard.

Kehrer: I can relate to that. I spent so much of my life being the “strong one” and never asking for help. We often try to go it alone — and then we get sad and scared and angry and frustrated because we’re the one always doing the thing.

When people tell me they don’t want to bother anyone by asking for help meeting their goals, I ask them how they feel when someone calls them up and asks for a hand. Inevitably, the person says it feels amazing to help their friends, family or a stranger, because it makes them feel good. Then I remind them that by not asking for help, they’re actually cheating someone out of feeling that good, too.

Being able to receive help is a skill that requires vulnerability, and you can make that shift by knowing that making yourself vulnerable is one of the most courageous things you can do. If asking for help feels like too much of a stretch at first, consider learning to accept a compliment. Let it land and say thank you. It flexes the same muscles as asking for and receiving help.

CNN: For those of us who already bombed on our New Year’s resolutions, is it too late to start over?

Kehrer: Every day is a new adventure. Every day is a new invitation to start. There are still about 11 months left in this year. Take the drama and stress out of it and just start again. It’s never too late.

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