Advice for talking to children about the Russian invasion in Ukraine

COLUMBIA, Mo. (KMIZ)

As thousands of people are fleeing Ukraine after Russia's invasion, parents in Mid-Missouri might be wondering how to acknowledge and make sense of what is happening to their children.

Children may be seeing graphic footage and images on social media that can be difficult to process.

"Normalizing that you can feel that you can feel those feelings and we can talk about those feelings and sometimes those feelings can be confusing," says Dr. Collen Colaner with the University of Missouri."

Experts say kids may be aware of the conflict happening in Ukraine even if they aren't on any social media platforms and that parents should check in with children of all ages to address what is happening even if the conversation is brief, Janine Domingues, a clinical psychologist at the nonprofit Child Mind Institute in New York, told The Associated Press.

Leaving TV coverage of the invasion on for long periods of time can lead to anxiety. Younger children can benefit from distance from TV and social media about the invasion, Dr. Gene Beresin, executive director of the free online resource hub The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, told the AP.

Kids of all ages may ask their parents if they are worried or scared about what is happening and parents should be honest.

Families that have a large gap between ages of children may want to separate the conversations but the end goal is to address the conflict while easing concerns, experts say. Clearing up misinformation and confusion and answering their questions is important.

A most simple and important step for parents is to focus on listening to what your child is saying and asking while, letting them control the conversation.

When discussing the conflict experts say to avoid language that leads to the idea of an "enemy" or "bad guy" says, Nicole Fleischer, a clinical psychologist at St. Christopher’s Hospital in Philadelphia, told the Philadelphia Inquirer. It's best to focus on the bad actions and bad decisions that are taking place.

"Helping the child understand what war means because they are going to filter it through their own understanding and then if we don't help them understand what that means they are going to come up with a fantasy of what that does mean," Dr. Colaner says.

When or if a child is upset about the conflict in Ukraine it can lead to fear, confusion or anger. Signs of this could be sudden aggression, changes in mood and withdrawal.

Dr. Colander says, "I often encourage parents to think about what is behind the behavior, what is the function of this behavior, why are they acting like this and what need can I try to meet rather than punishing them for that behavior."

Experts say to normalize what they may be feeling about what is happening by telling them that it is okay to feel sad, angry or scared. Be sure to let them know that you are here to support them and to keep them safe.