Behind Closed Doors: Domestic Violence in Mid-Missouri

“You either die or you’re really injured. It gets scary.”

Lee Russell is a survivor of domestic violence. In 1973, at 24 years old, she finally left an abusive husband with two young children in tow.

“I think had my brother not intervened, I might have died as a result of some of the beatings. I know in almost every case it would escalate.”

43,850 domestic violence cases were reported to police across the state in 2015, which is a 12percent increase from a decade ago. Boone County ranked fifth last year in Missouri for the highest number of reported cases with 1,628.

Maureen Qualheim, an Outreach Advocate at Rape and Abuse Crisis Service in Jefferson City, said many victims don’t report their abusive partner to law enforcement due to fear of retaliation.

“These numbers that we talk about, these are real people,” she said. “These are not just files on someone’s desk. They’re real people affected by trauma and violence.”

“I would see that as a healthy response,” said Barbara Hodges, Executive Director of True North in Columbia. “We want women to call, we don’t want them to live in silence and fear.”

True North has 25 beds available for survivors of domestic violence. In 2014, the shelter provided 6,015 bed night stays for 246 survivors.

That same year, Boone County had 1,783 cases of domestic violence.

Hodges said it’s hard to predict when they will see more survivors come to the shelter. She said when all of their beds are full, True North will call other nearby shelters to find them a place to stay.

“We are lacking in bed space 100 percent,” said Zak Wilson, Development Director at the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic-Sexual Violence (MCADSV). “It’s just really showing the incidents rates and the system itself isn’t at the capacity to meet the needs we have in our state.”

The Rape and Abuse Crisis Service, or RACS, has 36 beds in its shelter that serves nine counties in Mid-Missouri. Shelter Director Mary Cunningham said those beds are full most of the time.

“We’ll have someone come in and then as soon as they go out someone else comes in.”

Last year, RACS had to refer nine families to other Mid-Missouri shelters because all its beds were full. True North referred 17 families.

Similar to True North, Cunningham said there’s no clear pattern of when more survivors will come to the shelter for help. Last year, RACS provided 8,692 bed night stays for survivors and their families, which was up from 6,802 in 2014.

“It used to be if it was involved in the family you kept it quiet and you kept it in the family,” she said. “Now we’re trying to get the word out that it’s not a private thing. That no one deserves to be hurt or to be abused in anyway.”

“Forty years ago it was the norm and you couldn’t go to the police because they would say ‘Well what could you do different?'” Russell said.

Cunningham said RACS has been consistently full for several months because survivors are staying at the shelter longer. The average stay is 73 days.

The shelters offer much more than just a safe place for survivors and their families to sleep at night. Counseling, job placement skills and legal advocacy are extra services both RACS and True North provide to hundred of survivors each year.

Wilson with MCADSV said one challenge a survivor faces after leaving the shelter is finding a place to live.

“When there’s not permanent housing and when there’s not some type of housing that’s affordable for them there’s just no other options that are available.”

The cycle of the abusive relationship continues for years for many survivors. Shelter directors said they see many woman go back and forth between the shelter and their partner.

“Women that have more economic means available to them often don’t come to the shelter,” Hodges said. “They will go out of town because they have the capability to financially do that. Or they go to family or friends that are able to take care of them.”

Both Hodges and Cunningham said the common behavior of an abusive partner is control and isolation from the rest of society.

Russell said her husband’s abuse was not only physical, but also mental and financial. Her advice for anyone who may find themselves in an abusive relationship is to get out.

“Your life depends on it, your children’s well-being depends on it, your grandchildren depend on it. The cycle has to be stopped.”

Click here for a breakdown of victim services offered in each county in Missouri.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673